So I guess I do write about non-political things. Woot! Woot?
So lately I find myself doing many things. I am teaching full-time as a long-term sub, I still also am doing my nights at the bar and the liquor store I work. What I am not doing is taking any time for myself. I finally gave up my weekends at the gas station just so I wasn’t working 7 days a week, despite some family members warning me not to. A wise quote I’ve read many times was to never get so tied up in making a living that you forget to make a life.
I started this year off wanting to make changes in my life. Big changes. Some changes so personal I won’t even talk about them. Despite that I’ve become a better person this year than I was last year I cannot, for the life of me, remember anything I put on that list, but one thing. The funny thing is that even though I’ve had the desired outcome I wanted in the creation of that list, the only thing I remember from that list is the one thing I won’t be able to complete.
I’ve been getting so completely tied up in work that I haven’t hardly had time to just be me. Tonight would have been my only weeknight off this week had I not gotten a night shift covered on Thursday. Saturday morning, I am still on at the liquor store, however. Having to juggle so many different hats can just be over-whelming. I don’t miss my old days in the finance/accounting industry one bit but what I do miss about that was the time I had. I felt like I just had more time in general despite the fact that I still worked a full-time job that kept me 8-5, I still had a part-time job (that wasn’t necessary, financially) that had me 2-4 nights a week, too. I never felt like I just didn’t have free time though. Yes, the part-time job was working with a rock wall/outdoor rec/boathouse, which just so happened to be a huge passion of mine, but even despite that I was still able to have relationships, go places, see things, do things without having the financial or spatial drag on my life. These days, despite working so many jobs I don’t have that luxury. I’m always worrying about bills, rent, etc. Sure, I don’t make the same money I did in the financial/accounting industry, but honestly even with that job I didn’t make that much. Sure, I lived in a town that was relatively inexpensive, but I also found myself in Minneapolis nearly every single weekend to spend time with my significant other I was with at the time. I know that has been nearly 5 years since I left that life behind, packed everything, closed my eyes and took a huge step into my new life, a life of being back at college in my mid-twenties which has now led to my current life as a 27 year old, but what has happened in that time? I feel like I am just living in a completely different life, it is hard to imagine any of that anymore.
I love my jobs, really I do. Subbing at an ALC can be an extremely stressful job. I keep going back there day in and day out, however, not because of the paycheck, but because I actually feel like I belong there. Sure, I’ve got nothing good to say about the current position teaching math, where I feel like I was just thrown into a pit of lions to fend for myself, but I’m making it work and being successful with it. Even with all that, there are still days where I just feel like I belong and know that I am making a difference, even if it was just in one person.
Time is a very important thing. I’m trying to relearn this thing called life. This time, however, I feel I will do a much better job of it.
Some of you may ask,”Why are you writing this?” For that I think I have a very simple answer. Venting. I often times tell others that sometimes you just need to vent, even if its not a big deal. Sometimes just saying the words helps you understand what it all means, more. There have also been times where I’ve found I learn the most about myself by allowing somebody else to vent towards me, even if I have no advice to offer them when they’re done.